[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index][Subject Index][Author Index]
Techno Humor (fwd)
>>======== Original Message ========
>> 30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life:
>> -- Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, 11/15/94.
>> 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address
>>book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two
>>on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the
>>breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you
>>have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is*
>> 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least
>>one device on your body beep or buzz.
>> 3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you
>>can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only
>>computers with laser printers.
>> 4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you
>>forget to send your father a birthday card.
>> 5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
>> 6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
>>talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the
>>next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
>>salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
>> 7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without
>>thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
>> 8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say
>>the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean,
>>and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to
>> 9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your
>>own social security number.
>> 10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice
>>number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house
>>are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
>> 11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
>> 12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke
>>symbols that are far more clever than :-).
>> 13. You back up your data every day.
>> 14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store
>>and you return with a rest for your mouse.
>> 15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
>> 16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the
>>pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
>> 17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely
>>enters your mind.
>> 18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase
>>"electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information
>>superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses
>>hand-drawn pie charts.
>> 19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the
>>exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to
>>your house without looking up the street names.
>> 20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
>> 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
>>something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand
>>that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more
>>information about the product it is selling.
>> 22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-
>>quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
>> 23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
>> 24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know
>>where they are.
>> 25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia
>>surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a
>> 26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure
>>enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology
>>question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
>> 27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your
>> 28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you
>>own turns bread into charcoal.
>> 29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different
>>opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.
>> 30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend,
>>technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good,
>>that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a
>> 31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never
>>get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on
>>======== Fwd by: Rob Meyerson ========
This is from my cousin in S. Carolina -- who said rebs have no sense of
humor. #30 really scared me! Likewise #31.