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no wonder



Well isn't this the end of it all.. I got it off the HEM ONC group as a real
set of responces. No wonder we can't do well in international testing. UGH!

paul sparks

The following student comments were gleaned from essays,
examinations and classroom discussions. These beguiling theories are
in no way hypothetical.  They are all real and attest to the high
level of scientific literacy in our nation:

* In some rocks we find the fossil footprints of fishes.

* Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others
preferred to be oil.

* All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully
until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.

* Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity.

* The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

* Galileo showed that the earth was round and not vice versa.  He
dropped his balls to prove gravity.

* Mare Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.

* Men are mammals and women are femammals.

* Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.

* The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is
nowhere else to put them.

* Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.

* Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.

* The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top
and you sit on the bottom.

* Water is melted steam.

* Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.

* A monkey has a reprehensible tail.

* Some people say we condescended from the apes.

* The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body.
 Those who catch soars get leprosy.

* A cuckoo does not lay its own eggs.

* To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water
out and put the cork in, quick.

* The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity
and the abominable cavity.

* Most books say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
back into the sun in the daytime.

* Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science.
This procedure is called gross anatomy.

* The cause of dew is through the earth revolving on its own axis and
perspiring freely.

* Hot lather comes from volcanoes, when it cools it turns into rocks.

* A liter is a nest of young baby animals.

* The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.

* Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.

* Algebra was the wife of Euclid.

* A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side.

* A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.

* Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't,
why you should.

* A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

* The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

* Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, then
expectoration.

* An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that
gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.

* The hydra gets its food by descending upon its prey and pushing it
into its mouth with its testicles.

* If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of
adolescence.

* Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.  Oxygin is pure
gin.  Hydrogin is gin and water.

* When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is given off.  This is
known as constipation.

* The hookworm larva enters the body through the soul.

* As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.

* A major discovery was made by Mary Leaky, who found a circle of
rocks that broke wind.

* The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
something
to hitch meat to.

* You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you
came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit so never mind.