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Tyrants, Stegos, and Dromies
After reading over the posts from recent months, I've reached some
rather startling conclusions, which I am at last ready to unveil.
Tyrannosaurs were, in fact, scavengers. Healed tyrannosaur bites
on various Cretaceous fauna are the product of the none-too-smart
necrovores attempting to scavenge living animals. The obvious
skeletal and muscular adaptations for cursorial predation are clearly
the results of racial senescence, a currently overlooked mechanism that
is long overdue for revision, publication, and public acclaim.
Stegosaur "plates" were actually bony parasites resembling
leaf-hoppers in lateral view. Stegosaurs would bound across the
Jurassic landscape in an attempt to blow the offensive pests off of
their backs, which led the parasitic plates to assume an
aerodynamically optimal conformation. This could be either a single
row, a double paired row, a double staggered row, or the rare "Red
Baron" triple row, depending on the gait of the host stegosaur. Only
the very smartest stegosaurs ever learned how to amble, much less
gallop, thus accounting for the confusing array of plate
Dromaeosaurs were clearly derived from arboreal proto-birds.
However, proto-birds such as Archaeopteryx lack the grossly expanded
foot claw, leading me to theorize that dromaeosaurs, which lacked
wings, employed the claws as climbing spikes to get down *out* of the
trees. This "trees-down" phase was followed by the "ground-up"
phase, in which the animals tried out new uses for their "terrible
claws," settled on grooming, and sliced each other to pieces.
Well, that's all I have for now. Back to the archives, me scabby