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DINOLIST PHYLOGENY (long joke)
PRELIMINARY PHYLOGENETIC ANALYSIS OF THE DINOSAUR MAILING LIST
In the last few years, information on specimens of dinosaur mailing
list subscribers has become sufficiently abundant to do a preliminary
phylogenetic analysis. In the interests of avoiding controversy,
particular binomial taxa will not be specified.
GOTTACLUEIDAE WANNABEIDAE NOTPALEONTOLOGISTSIDAE PALEONTOLOGISTIDAE
- - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - -
AMATEURIA * - * PROFESSIONALOSAURIA
GETMEOFFTHISLIST!EA * DINOLISTOMORPHA
+DINOLISTIFORMES: A highly diverse group characterized by at least a
rudimentary ability to use a computer.
-GETMEOFFTHISLIST!!EA: The basal member of Dinolistiformes, members of
this clade are characterized by making frantic appeals to list subscribers
for information on how to unsubscribe. Some members of this group may
convergently share an interest in dinosaurs with Dinolistomorpha,
but many are more primitive taxa with no interest in dinosaurs who
have sadistic (but devious) friends or co-workers. Although rarely
encountered, postings occaisionally swell in a manner reminiscent of
disruptive plankton blooms like the Red Tide.
-DINOLISTOMORPHA: Members of this clade share an interest in dinosaurs,
often extending to paleontology in general. It contains two sister
clades, Amateuria and Proffessionalosauria:
#AMATEURIA: A highly diverse clade of Dinolistomorphs who may not
have much experience and/or formal education in paleontology or science in
general. It contains two families; Gottaclueidae and
*GOTTACLUEIDAE: This group is fairly diverse, and may prove to be
polyphyletic; it is characterized mainly by lacking the annoying derived
characters of Wannabeidae. Amateurians are interested in learning, ask
questions, admit error, and most importantly, know (and admit) where the
line is between thier knowledge and ignorance, experience and
inexperience. These are features shared convergently with some of the
more advanced members of the Professionalosauria. Members of this taxa
include younger Amateurians hoping to pursue a career in paleontology, and
older and wiser Amateurians who are not trying to fill such a challenging
adaptive niche, or necessarily belong to a profession with direct bearing
on paleontology, but are nonetheless interested in dinosaurs.
*WANNABEIDAE: Members of this robust clade range from the completely
clueless to the surprisingly well read, but are characterized by a frantic
desire to immediately revolutionize dinosaur paleontology without having
much in the way of real experience or qualifications to do so. Some taxa
have considerable familiarity with the literature; for others, knowldege
and understanding of dinosaur paleonotology and science in general is
often restricted to a few popular books and the Jurassic Park movies; all
these features are convergent with some members of the Gottaclueidae, but
unlike Gottaclueids the Wannbeids use these adaptations to try to compete
with Professionalosauria and are often the last to realize they have been
outcompeted and keep pushing thier arguments rather then letting them slip
quietly into extinction. Wannabeids are remarkably reluctant to
convergently develop the more advantageous traits of Professionalosauria
such as critical thinking, caution, and ability to admit error. Members of
this clade are far too abundant, and not as hard to identify as they might
#PROFESSIONALOSAURIA: Members of this clade are often not as prolific or
active among the Dinolistomorphs as might be hoped, but nonetheless are
important in controling population booms of Wannabeids and stableizing the
dinosaur list ecosystem with useful information and discussion material.
*NOTPALEONTOLOGISTSIDAE: This hastily and poorly named taxon is probably
VERY polyphyletic, and consists of professionalosaurs who do not practice
paleontology directly, but work in fields that often have strong bearing
on paleontological discussion. Includes Herpetologines, Ornithologines,
Geologistines, and others.
*PALEONTOLIGISTIDAE: Taxa with real experience and knowledge in
paleontology, usually in regard to dinosaurs, and includes
grad studentosaurs (taxa under considerable ecological stress), many
prepareterosaurs, and masterthesauruses and Dr. Dinos. Paleontoligistidae
contains two subfamilies: "THE DEVOUT CLADISTS" and PARAPHYLYOKAYINAE:
These taxa pretty much speak for themselves, although there is some debate
as to which is the more advanced.
"I'm fighting 100 years of dogma!"
"Well, that was deep. UUUUUUURRRRPPPPP!"