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Re: Elk and canids (or is this canids and elk?) (long)
Sounds to me like the best reason I ever heard NEVER to resurrect
Amphicoelias fragilimus even if it was possible to clone dinosaurs.
----- Original Message -----
From: Betty Cunningham <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: <email@example.com>; <firstname.lastname@example.org>; Bob Steele
<BSteele@blizzard.com>; Ellen Levy Finch <email@example.com>
Sent: Saturday, October 23, 1999 9:16 PM
Subject: Elk and canids (or is this canids and elk?) (long)
> -not paleo-
> but FABULOUS carnivore behavior reference.
> A search on Deja News shouyld reveal the particulars....
> -Betty Cunningham
> (I have not laughed so hard in a LONNNGGGG time)
> Recent thread in rec.pets...
> >>Anne V - 01:01pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1318 of 1332)
> Okay - I know how to take meat away from a dog. How do I take a dog away
> from meat? This is not, unfortunately, a joke.
> >>AmyC - 01:02pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1319 of 1332)
> Um, can you give us a few more specifics here?
> >>Anne V - 01:12pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1320 of 1332)
> They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now I have a giant
> incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it,
> and they are NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of them is
> snoring. I have company arriving in three hours, and my current plan is
> to 1. put up a tent over said carcass and 2. hang thousands of fly
> strips inside it. This has been going on since about 6:40 this morning.
> >>AmyC - 01:19pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1321 of 1332)
> Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is big enough to hold a couple of dogs
> inside? Given the situation, I'm afraid you're not going to be create
> enough of a diversion to get the dogs out of the carrion, unless they
> like greeting company as much as they like rolling around in dead stuff.
> Which seems unlikely. Can you turn a hose on the festivities?
> >>Ase Innes-Ker - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1322 of 1332)
> I'm sorry Anne. I know this is a problem (and it would have driven me
> crazy), but it is also incredibly funny.
> >>Anne V - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1323 of 1332)
> Elk. Elk are very big this year, because of the rain and good grazing
> and so forth. They aren't rolling. They are alternately napping and
> eating. They each have a ribcage. Other dogs are working on them from
> the outside. It's all way too primal in my yard right now. We tried the
> hose trick. At someone elses house, which is where they climbed in and
> began to refuse to come out. Many hours ago. I think that the hose
> mostly helps keep them cool and dislodges little moist snacks for them.
> hose failed. My new hope is that if they all continue to eat at this
> rate, they will be finished before the houseguests arrive. The very
> urban houseguests. Oh, ghod - I know it's funny. It's appalling, and
> funny, and completely entirely representative of life with dogs.
> >>Kristen R. - 01:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1324 of 1332)
> I'm so glad I read this thread, dogless as I am. Dogs in elk. Dogs in
> >>Anne V - 01:41pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1325 of 1332)
> It's like that childrens book out there - dogs in elk, dogs on elk, dogs
> around elk, dogs outside elk. And there is some elk inside of, as well
> as on, each dog at this point.
> >>Elizabeth K - 01:57pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1328 of 1333)
> Anne, aren't you in Arizona or Nevada? There are elk there? I'm so
> confused! We definately need to see pics of Gus Pong and Jake in the elk
> >>Anne V - 02:03pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1329 of 1333)
> I am in New Mexico, but there are elk in both arizona and nevada, yes.
> There are elk all over the damn place. They don't look out very often.
> If you stand the ribcage on end they scramble to the top and look out,
> all red. Otherwise, you kinda have to get in there a little bit yourself
> to really see them. So I think there will not be pictures.
> >>CoseyMo - 02:06pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1330 of 1333)
> "all red;" I'm not sure the deeper horror of all this was fully borne in
> upon me till I saw that little phrase.
> >>Anne V - 02:10pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1331 of 1333)
> Well, you know, the Basenji (that would be Jake) is a desert dog,
> naturally, and infamous for it's aversion to water. And then, Gus Pong
> (who is coming to us, live, unamplified and with a terrific reverb which
> is making me a little dizzy) really doesn't mind water, but hates to be
> cold. Or soapy. And both of them can really run. Sprints of up to 35
> mph have been clocked. So. If ever they come out, catching them and
> returning them to a condition where they can be considered house pets is
> not going to be, shall we say, pleasant.
> >>CoseyMo - 02:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1332 of 1333)
> What if you stand the ribcage on end, wait for them to look out, grab
> them when they do and pull?
> >>Anne V - 02:18pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1333 of 1333)
> They wedge their toes between the ribs. And scream. We tried that before
> we brought the elk home from the mountain with dogs inside. Jake nearly
> took my friends arm off. He's already short a toe, so he cherishes the
> 15 that remain.
> >>Linda Hewitt - 02:30pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1336 of 1356)
> Have you thought about calling your friendly vet and paying him to come
> pick up the dogs, elk and letting the dogs stay at the vets overnight.
> If anyone would know what to do, it would be your vet. It might cost
> some money, but it would solve the immediate crisis. Keep us posted.
> >>ChristiPeters - 02:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1337 of 1356)
> Yikes! My sympathy! When I lived in New Mexico, my best friend's dog
> (the escape artist) was continually bringing home road kill. When there
> was no road kill convenient, he would visit the neighbor's house. Said
> neighbor slaughtered his own beef. The dog found all kinds of impossibly
> gross toys in the neighbor's trash pit. I have always had medium to
> large dogs. The smallest dog I ever had was a mutt from the SPCA who
> matured out at just above knee high and about 55 pounds. Our current dog
> (daughter's choice) is a Pomeranian. A very small Pomeranian. She's 8
> months old now and not quite 4 pounds. I'm afraid I'll break her.
> >>Lori Shiraishi - 02:38pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1338 of 1356)
> Bet you could fit a whole lot of Pomeranians in that there elk carcass!
> Anne - my condolences on what must be a unbelievable situation!
> >>Anne V - 02:44pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1339 of 1356)
> I did call my vet. He laughed until he was gagging and breathless. He
> says a lot of things, which can be summed as *what did you expect?* and
> *no, there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog.* He is
> planning to stop over and take a look on his way home. Thanks, Lori. I
> am almost surrendered to the absurdity of it.
> >>Lori Shiraishi - 02:49pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1340 of 1356)
> >>"He is planning to stop over and take a look on his way home."
> So he can fall down laughing in person?
> >>Anne V - 02:50pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1341 of 1356)
> Basically, yeah. That would be about it.
> >>AmyC - 02:56pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1342 of 1356)
> >>>no, there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog."
> Oh, sweet lord, Anne. You have my deepest sympathies in this, perhaps
> the most peculiar of the Gus Pong Adventures. You are truly a woman of
> superhuman patience. wait -- you carried the carcass down from the
> mountains with the dogs inside?
> >>Anne V - 02:59pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1343 of 1356)
> >>>the carcass down from the mountains with the dogs inside?
> no, well, sort of. My part in the whole thing was to get really stressed
> about a meeting that I had to go to, and say *yeah, ok, whatever* when
> it was suggested that the ribcages, since we couldn't get the dogs out
> of them and the dogs couldn't be left there, be brought to my house.
> Because, you know - I just thought they would get bored of it sooner or
> later. But it appears to be later, in the misty uncertain future, that
> they will get bored. Now, they are still interested. And very loud, one
> singing, one snoring.
> >>Lori Shiraishi - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1344 of 1356)
> >>And very loud, one singing, one snoring.
> wow. I can't even begin to imagine the acoustics involved with singing
> from the inside of an elk.
> >>Anne V - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1345 of 1356)
> reverb. lots and lots of reverb.
> >>Anne V - 03:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1347 of 1356)
> I'll tell you the thing that is causing me to lose it again and again,
> and then I have to go back outside and stay there for a while. After the
> meeting, I said to my (extraordinary) boss, *look, I've gotta go home
> for the rest of the day, I think. Jake and Gus Pong are inside some elk
> ribcages, and my dad is coming tonight, so I've got to get them out
> somehow.* And he said, pale and huge-eyed, *Annie, how did you explain
> the elk to the clients?* The poor, poor man thought I had the carcasses
> brought to work with me. For some reason, I find this deeply funny.
> >>(weekend pause)
> >>Anne V - 08:37am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1395 of 1405)
> So what we did was put the ribcages (containing dogs) on tarps and drag
> them around to the side yard, where I figured they would at least be
> harder to see, and then opened my bedroom window so that the dogs could
> let me know when they were ready to be plunged into a de-elking solution
> and let in the house. Then I went to the airport. Came home, no visible
> elk, no visible dogs. Peeked around the shrubs, and there they were,
> still in the elk. By this time, they had gnawed out some little
> portholes between some of the ribs, and you got the occasional very
> frightening limpse of something moving around in there if you watched
> long enough. After a lot of agonizing, I went to bed. I closed the back
> door, made sure my window was open, talked to the dogs out of it until I
> as sure they knew it was open, and then I fell asleep.
> Sometimes, sleep is a mistake, no matter how tired you are. And
> especially if you are very very tired, and some of your dogs are
> outside, inside some elks. Because when you are that tired, you sleep
> through bumping kind of noises, or you kind of think that it's just the
> house guests. It was't the house guests. It was my dogs, having an
> attack of teamwork unprecedented in our domestic history. When I finally
> woke all the way up, it was to a horrible vision. Somehow, 3 dogs with a
> combined weight of about 90 pounds, managed to hoist one of the ribcages
> (the meatier one, of course) up 3 feet to rest on top of the swamp
> cooler outside the window, and push out the screen. What woke me was Gus
> Pong, howling in frustration from inside the ribcage, very close to my
> head, combined with feverish little grunts from Jake, who was standing
> on the nightstand, bracing himself against the curtains with remarkably
> bloody little feet.
> Here are some things I have learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend:
> 1. almond milk removes elk blood from curtains and pillowcases,
> 2. We can all exercise superhuman strength when it comes to getting elk
> carcasses out of our yard,
> 3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the fence really frightens
> the nice deputy sheriff who lives across the street, and
> 4. the dogs can pop the screens out of the windows, without damaging
> them, from either side.
> >>Anne V - 09:58am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1401 of 1405)
> What I am is really grateful that they didn't actually get the damn
> thing in the window, which is clearly the direction they were going in.
> And that the nice deputy didn't arrest me for terrifying her with elk
> parts before dawn.
> >>AmyC - 09:59am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1402 of 1405)
> Imagine waking up with a gnawed elk carcass in your bed, like a
> real-life "Godfather" with an all-dog cast.
> >>Anne V - 10:01am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1403 of 1405)
> There is not enough almond milk in the world to solve an event of that
> Flying Goat Graphics
> (Society of Vertebrate Paleontology member)