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Re: A slap on the hand

In response to Michael Schmidt, a friend of a friend asked me to forward this to the list.

"I agree totally with Mr Schmidt. I often like to wander the Bighorn Basin, digging up the biggest and sexiest fossils I can find. Do you have a permit, I hear you ask? Hey, I pay taxes. I don't need no permission to explore federal land. What is this, Soviet Russia?

But enough about those pencil-necked fat-cat bureaucrats trying to rob us hard-working collectors of our hard-earned cash. Let me tell you about the dinosaur skull I exacvated. Well, "excavated" is perhaps too fancy a word. I had a pick and a shovel, and I wrested that daddy out of the earth with the sweat of my own brow. Unfortunately, a few bits fell off - who thought digging up an old skull would be so difficult. And anyway, who cares if the skull is in less-than-perfect condition? Except a bunch of nerds in white lab coats. They'll probably want me to "donate" the skull to a Museum or something. That's right, I won't get a cent for my labors. What is this, Soviet Russia?

I tried to dig up the rest of the skeleton. But heck those bones are fragile! A few just snapped the moment I dinged it with the shovel. Rulers of the Earth, my ass! Some of those bones were dust by the time my pickup rolled up the driveway. I couldn't get all the skeleton out of the ground - I'll leave that for those aforementioned nerds.

Not sure what I'll do with the skull. I have a Japanese entrepeneur who's *very* interested. (Ka-ching ka-ching, if you catch my drift). He assures me he's a scientist - the walls of his mansion are covered in these feathered dino-what-nots from China. He talks the talk - why he even knows what bone is what. My garage is full of these damn bones, and heck if I know a thigh-bone from a hole in the ground. Hey, what's the big deal if I make a bit of cash. I worked hard for these specimens. What is this, Soviet Russia?

My lawyer just called. One of those fat-cat bureaucrats is on the way. Something about a warrant. I swear, America's a police state. It's OK, my lawyer says - I can get off with a token fine and community service. I might have to pick up litter in Bighorn Basin for a week or two. Hey, it's probably all mine anyway.

By the time you read this, my private residence will be swarming with pencil-necked Feds. A man can't make an honest living these days. What is this, Soviet Russia?

It's all a conspiracy!

Billy Bob"

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