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Re: A slap on the hand
In response to Michael Schmidt, a friend of a friend asked me to forward
this to the list.
"I agree totally with Mr Schmidt. I often like to wander the Bighorn Basin,
digging up the biggest and sexiest fossils I can find. Do you have a
permit, I hear you ask? Hey, I pay taxes. I don't need no permission to
explore federal land. What is this, Soviet Russia?
But enough about those pencil-necked fat-cat bureaucrats trying to rob us
hard-working collectors of our hard-earned cash. Let me tell you about the
dinosaur skull I exacvated. Well, "excavated" is perhaps too fancy a word.
I had a pick and a shovel, and I wrested that daddy out of the earth with
the sweat of my own brow. Unfortunately, a few bits fell off - who thought
digging up an old skull would be so difficult. And anyway, who cares if the
skull is in less-than-perfect condition? Except a bunch of nerds in white
lab coats. They'll probably want me to "donate" the skull to a Museum or
something. That's right, I won't get a cent for my labors. What is this,
I tried to dig up the rest of the skeleton. But heck those bones are
fragile! A few just snapped the moment I dinged it with the shovel. Rulers
of the Earth, my ass! Some of those bones were dust by the time my pickup
rolled up the driveway. I couldn't get all the skeleton out of the ground -
I'll leave that for those aforementioned nerds.
Not sure what I'll do with the skull. I have a Japanese entrepeneur who's
*very* interested. (Ka-ching ka-ching, if you catch my drift). He assures
me he's a scientist - the walls of his mansion are covered in these
feathered dino-what-nots from China. He talks the talk - why he even knows
what bone is what. My garage is full of these damn bones, and heck if I
know a thigh-bone from a hole in the ground. Hey, what's the big deal if I
make a bit of cash. I worked hard for these specimens. What is this,
My lawyer just called. One of those fat-cat bureaucrats is on the way.
Something about a warrant. I swear, America's a police state. It's OK, my
lawyer says - I can get off with a token fine and community service. I
might have to pick up litter in Bighorn Basin for a week or two. Hey, it's
probably all mine anyway.
By the time you read this, my private residence will be swarming with
pencil-necked Feds. A man can't make an honest living these days. What is
this, Soviet Russia?
It's all a conspiracy!
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